Summer.... love? I think not.

I've been single for almost a year, and in this time have gone through a series of phases: pain, sadness, anger, loosenicity, and finally, thankfully, a deep appreciation for myself&my freedom. But as it naturally does, the need for companionship is now sneaking up on me. &I've realized I have NO clue how to find a suitable man. Do I "date?"(What is dating, anyhow? Dictionary.com defines it as "to go out socially on dates." Dictionary.com, quit oversimplifying.)
Must a date be labeled a date before it can be one? Is a hookup a form of dating, if there is conversation involved? (Really hope my mother never reads this.) Is it a date if there is no pre-planned activity involved? What about crushes? Or consistent hookups? Spending large amounts of time with one particular person? Even if neither person verbalizes it? What about increased person-person communication (phone,text, gotta say it - facebook.) I have no idea.
Well dating isn't my thing, I despise words with locked-in meanings. I'd rather ride the wave of whatever chemistry is enticing me at the moment. Whether that involves adventures into the woods or deep conversation or sex or the awesome feeling of simple, tingling comfortable snugs. But is that a effective process for a person looking to fall in love?
(OH i said the word .. .. whatever people, it's what we're all looking for, isn't it?)
Sex. I do not sleep with anyone who I don't like as a person (at the time at least.. ugh, I've been wrong before.) I am WELL aware not everyone follows his guideline, especially men. But sex is good, it is healthy, and natural, and you should do it. (Safely, re:2009). But it complicates things, most people would agree with me. So, do we not do it? Is that the secret to a long healthy relationship, celibacy until marriage? Alot of people believe it, so it deserves a voice in this post, but I find that hard to believe. Maybe it's my gonads speaking. But the longest relationship I've had didn't involve sex for more than two months .. does that prove something?
Anyway.
This summer, I have learned firsthand that everyone has their own concept of dating, courting, romancing, whatever you label the pre-mating ritual. I have also learned that finding a person who has the same perspective as you is nearly impossible.


One
Lets call him Abama.
Abama was a sweet guy, HUGE heart (muy importante), attractive, stable. Took me for Sushi, even though he doesn't like it. All was well & good. I find out a month later he has a child, an ex-wife, and a MONSTEROUS bag-o-baggage.
Abama had it all, why did he have to warp my opinion of him into a shady, insecure mofo?! Because to him, we were something outside of the bubble of his past. I don't like that idea. My bubble is who I am, so is his, it is true for everyone.
Strike.

Two
Lets go with Bird.
Sexy, Smart (or so seemed at the time) & life goals. I seriously enjoyed his company. Got the "steady" vibe , shared a bed, made meals & ate them together, on the couch, watching TV. After a few weeks, life got busy, communication slowed. I called him up for a mid-week ... date? Nothing. No response. Loser that I am, I communicated via Facebook, where he can often be found. The following is our last chat.
Me. seems like your blowing me off. whats that about?
Bird. no way! i don't blow ppl off... but i should be up front with you, im being very single lately... if i don't answer or can't hang out... more than likely its b/c there's another girl there.
Wow, B.
Thaaaaaaaaaats great. The thing about being upfront, Bird, is that it ussually presents itself.. upfront.
Fucking 
Strike.

Three (witnessed, not experienced.)
This time, survey says . . . . Mario.
A good friend has been seeing a seemingly good guy, peak physical condition, flattering, nyc apartment (biggggg plus.) They phone regularly, and have exclusive nights out. But he won't commit to ...anything, really, nothing any further in the future than a week or two. (Obviously, he just isnt that into her.) Is that dating, then? They both refer to it as such. If not, whats the point, besides sex? She needs out, and he needs chivalry training.
Future strike.

 So,
As I said before, I just want to ride the dopamine wave of intense chemistry. But I also want to be in love. & I don't want to settle, or get hurt, or be duped, or force something that isn't there. What are my options?

Fate? Maybe that's all I'm waiting for, and the torturous process of psychoanalyzing dating is just a way to pass the time.

My brain hurts,
so g'bye.